I have shifted~~
yay~
Finally!
I have made a complete new blog!!!
Why abandon this?
Well, no idea... just no longer want this anymore...
But feeling kinda heavy to delete it...
new blog:
you need to ask me my new blog add... ^^
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
falling short
december isn't fun for me...
though i have always looked forward to december for christmas, this year, december seems to be a burden for me...
with everything going on, i can't seem to be able to balance life anymore...
i think that since i'm under the hallyu wave now, that became my escapism..
when i'm sad, i go to them..
when i'm happy, i laugh wit them..
it does make me feel more lonely...
haha.. my public confession of falling short...
december has never been this lonely before..
(help?)
matt won't be around all the time because of work...
family is one of the happy things that keeps me 'sane' at times (when there are no arguements of course)
yf... church... i'm feeling the urge to run....
work... is work.. nothing sane about this...
thankful to God for bringing me through it all? yes...
but a part of me just wan to stay low now...
a huge part of me that is...
Monday, November 2, 2009
poison
have been wondering what i have been up to lately... well, at least for the past few months...
life has been pretty mundane...
oh~! i did it~!!!
at last, at the age of 22, i'm no longer a Karaoke virgin~!! (yup, it sounds wrong)
but nonetheless, it actually feels funny to think about it...
i remember going to karaoke when i was really young... erm, back in johor or singapore..but that doesn't count!! wanna know why? well, because i say so.. :p
i was accompanied by i have no idea how many adults and i was there with my brother.. i don't remember much about it, but it wasn't something i remember experiencing it for real... thus, it doesn't count...
well, my first time at the karaoke wasn't bad at all, thanks to matt's crazy friends... they made it fun and enjoyable even though it was awkward because i didn't know any of them.. but they are just simply funny and enjoyable.. i drank loads because 1 cute girl say i was too shy to sing and thus, the '干杯' (bottoms up - chivas + coke)... she ended up drunk and i ended up walking in 1 straight line... :p
apart from that, i was saying about being poisoned right? poisoned with what you might ask.. i am poisoned with idols.. >.<>
Kim Hyun Joong (SS501 leader) and Kim Jae Joong 金在中(DBSK / Tohoshinki's main vocalist)... >.< they are adorable~!!!
SS501 and DBSK / Tohoshinki are korean bands that are very famous now...
Kim Hyun Joong
Kim Jae Joong
i love ss501 because they are pure dorky and funny...
try watching Kim Hyun Joong's and Hwangbo's We Got Married episodes... i'm sure you'll grow to love them too... they are just too CUTE together...
as for DBSK, i didn't really like them at first... until i slowly slowly listen to their songs and have grown to like them too... well, HERO JAE JOONG to be exact... he is very 'chun-ted' when he sings and dance... you should see their dance moves.. they are more 'man-ly' compared to SS501 and they are better in vocals too... but i still like SS501 because of their dorkiness and lame-lihood...
example?:
MC asked one of the SS501: "How did you guys hit such high hits (most searched online) right after their debut? It is unlikely for new groups to hit such high hits you know?"
Hyun Joong (Leader): "Well, we have someone very useful to us in the team. He onlines daily and searches for our group name."
Hyung Joon (Nickname: Baby because his name is similiar to Leaders name): "Yeah! I online everyday and just so you know, the names in the internet search / forums, out of 10, i probably own 8 of the accounts. I'm not paid to do it. But it definitely was fun doing it. I sometimes get my friends to help me search out the group too"
Leader: "What friends? You don't have friends!"
Baby: "I do! I have 15 of them!!!"
MC: "15 only?!"
Leader: "Name them... !"
Baby: Starts naming them... only successfully name 3....
Leader: "Well, it must have been you have 3 friends and all the rest are your imaginary friends..."
MC: "Now we know how this group became so famous overnight.... You have to make sure you ask your own members to work hard... in onlining...."
I appreciate guys who are musically inclined... I don't know why either... Piano, Flute, Guitar, Singing, Dancing... better still, violin... i might go crazy just hearing that person perform... serious! Jaejoong is good at singing LIVE... hyun joong is good at guitars and rapping and singing, aaron yan is good at flute and singing, raymond lam is also good at singing live... the only exception is Mike He who can't sing, dance or play musical instruments...
a little too poisoned i believe...
life has been pretty mundane...
oh~! i did it~!!!
at last, at the age of 22, i'm no longer a Karaoke virgin~!! (yup, it sounds wrong)
but nonetheless, it actually feels funny to think about it...
i remember going to karaoke when i was really young... erm, back in johor or singapore..but that doesn't count!! wanna know why? well, because i say so.. :p
i was accompanied by i have no idea how many adults and i was there with my brother.. i don't remember much about it, but it wasn't something i remember experiencing it for real... thus, it doesn't count...
well, my first time at the karaoke wasn't bad at all, thanks to matt's crazy friends... they made it fun and enjoyable even though it was awkward because i didn't know any of them.. but they are just simply funny and enjoyable.. i drank loads because 1 cute girl say i was too shy to sing and thus, the '干杯' (bottoms up - chivas + coke)... she ended up drunk and i ended up walking in 1 straight line... :p
apart from that, i was saying about being poisoned right? poisoned with what you might ask.. i am poisoned with idols.. >.<>
Kim Hyun Joong (SS501 leader) and Kim Jae Joong 金在中(DBSK / Tohoshinki's main vocalist)... >.< they are adorable~!!!
SS501 and DBSK / Tohoshinki are korean bands that are very famous now...
Kim Hyun Joong
Kim Jae Joongi love ss501 because they are pure dorky and funny... try watching Kim Hyun Joong's and Hwangbo's We Got Married episodes... i'm sure you'll grow to love them too... they are just too CUTE together...
as for DBSK, i didn't really like them at first... until i slowly slowly listen to their songs and have grown to like them too... well, HERO JAE JOONG to be exact... he is very 'chun-ted' when he sings and dance... you should see their dance moves.. they are more 'man-ly' compared to SS501 and they are better in vocals too... but i still like SS501 because of their dorkiness and lame-lihood...
example?:
MC asked one of the SS501: "How did you guys hit such high hits (most searched online) right after their debut? It is unlikely for new groups to hit such high hits you know?"
Hyun Joong (Leader): "Well, we have someone very useful to us in the team. He onlines daily and searches for our group name."
Hyung Joon (Nickname: Baby because his name is similiar to Leaders name): "Yeah! I online everyday and just so you know, the names in the internet search / forums, out of 10, i probably own 8 of the accounts. I'm not paid to do it. But it definitely was fun doing it. I sometimes get my friends to help me search out the group too"
Leader: "What friends? You don't have friends!"
Baby: "I do! I have 15 of them!!!"
MC: "15 only?!"
Leader: "Name them... !"
Baby: Starts naming them... only successfully name 3....
Leader: "Well, it must have been you have 3 friends and all the rest are your imaginary friends..."
MC: "Now we know how this group became so famous overnight.... You have to make sure you ask your own members to work hard... in onlining...."
I appreciate guys who are musically inclined... I don't know why either... Piano, Flute, Guitar, Singing, Dancing... better still, violin... i might go crazy just hearing that person perform... serious! Jaejoong is good at singing LIVE... hyun joong is good at guitars and rapping and singing, aaron yan is good at flute and singing, raymond lam is also good at singing live... the only exception is Mike He who can't sing, dance or play musical instruments...
a little too poisoned i believe...
broken into
how would you feel if you know someone just broke into your house?
the place you deem safest when all around you is so dangerous and ugly...
how would you feel?
i feel.... nauseous...
honestly, that is what i felt everytime the memories flashes back into my mind...
maybe, just maybe my mind is playing tricks on me because i wasn't there when it happened...
but to know that someone close to you is at the risk of being attacked during that moment, it just makes me feel sick...
sick of not having a safe place anymore,
sick of not being able to protect those you love and call them close...
sick of this world being a dangerous place where love and peace does not conquer..
are you sick?
well, i am...
the place you deem safest when all around you is so dangerous and ugly...
how would you feel?
i feel.... nauseous...
honestly, that is what i felt everytime the memories flashes back into my mind...
maybe, just maybe my mind is playing tricks on me because i wasn't there when it happened...
but to know that someone close to you is at the risk of being attacked during that moment, it just makes me feel sick...
sick of not having a safe place anymore,
sick of not being able to protect those you love and call them close...
sick of this world being a dangerous place where love and peace does not conquer..
are you sick?
well, i am...
Monday, October 19, 2009
message of the heart and not just the mind
I was preparing the word to share on this coming friday in asc...
though I've shared His word so many times, why did it feel so nerve recking this time?
i'll be sharing in front of more people... rather a group of 10-14 people like in cg (our MAX number), i MIGHT be sharing in front of 30 people? this friday...
without a doubt, there is fear and doubt...
there is uncertainty...
many might just say careless words like "it's going to be ok!", "just do it like how you usually do it.." out of concern and good will...
nonetheless, it's not the same...
it's never the same...
everytime i share, i remembers that not only am i teaching and sharing, i am at the end, accountable for every word i say to these precious ones...
"share a message from your heart where I dwell... do not worry... for I am with you until the end of the days... do not just use your mind, use what i gave you... your mind, your heart and your all... use it for me..."
Ohana... what does this mean to you(r) (heart and your mind)?
nerve recking? yes
belong in the arm of the Prince of Peace? yes...
then who and what else shall I fear?
edit: we sometimes use our brain only too often... why?
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
life is fragile
i've got to admit i've taken life for granted more than 10000000000 times.... but lately, due to some things that has happened in my life, i grew to love life a little more than i did every yesterday... to a lot of people, life might be routine-like, boring and bla bla bla... to some, life is only life when u totally spoil your life with drugs, smoke and bla bla bla... ironic isn't it? love your life by spoiling it and killing it in your most creative way?! i don't really know many friends who passed away... back in school, i've known a friend who grew up with me since primary school and she passed away in secondary school... she wasn't that close to me, nonetheless, we know each other and we've talked, we've challenged each other, we've spent moments together... you must be wondering why the whole sudden change of emotions to 'hallelujah i got baptised' to 'emo feeling of appreciating life'....
someone i know passed away... well, there isn't a confirmation beyond confirmation to confirm that she's really passed away... but, my feelings are real now, thus, the blog with outpouring of words... my colleague, under 30 years old, with a baby still inside her, passed away... no details yet... but i guess this is enough to make me feel uneasy the entire day... both the mommy and baby passed away... to make you feel the way i feel, i'll give you 1 more little detail, she got married in January 2009... first baby, during maternity, passed away...
won't it make you feel like appreciating life a little more than you did yesterday? i'm not expecting people to turn into beautiful butterflies in a days time... but, at least strive to be a butterfly one day... slowly morphing into something more beautiful... turning into the real form that you are created to be...
moments of silence.........
Friday, October 2, 2009
the baptism 270909
26th September 2009 (Saturday)
Youth Fellowship started something new today... In order to support our fellow brothers and sisters who are waiting to sit for their PMR on 7th October, we decided to start having revision classes with them... well, to be exact, they have their revision while those who are not involved will be praying and fasting with them... if one is observant enough, one will notice that ASC young people are not good with fasting... ALL of us ate before going to church, and to stress this point, they eat before we start the committee meeting which will proceed straight into the prayer and fasting... well, it didn't go as how i thought it will go, but there isn't anyone to blame except our own selves because none are us are prepared for what is to come... anyway, after this whole session ended, i headed home and went to pasar malam with both my parents... we had fun just being with each other despite the differences... after that, i went out with carol and ben and of course, matt... though some might call this 'double date', it didn't feel that way because we were quite comfortable with each other... we are all friends and we happily chatted until quite late at night... headed back home and zzzzzzz....
27th September 2009 (Sunday)
I started the day off waking up at 6.30am... (it is actually earlier than the time i use to wake up for work)... the moment i step out of my room, my dad came out also and we just stared at each other... at that very moment, i was so thankful that he woke up because he told me he and mom will be witnessing my baptism... i was worried that he might break his promise... but thankfully, he was keeping his promise... i prepared myself and after making sure my mom woke up before i leave, i told them that i will be waiting for them in church... i left and since Youth Fellowship is on duty for Sunday Service, i prepared the usher books quickly while scanning the church around nervously... that was actually my first time wearing shorts and entering church on a Sunday service...
Later that time, i found out that the baptism would be after the sermon and i quickly smsed my sister telling them what i found out... they ended up going to the morning market and drinking while waiting for time to pass... i scanned the church again and realised that my god father wasn't there yet... i smsed him and since i really wanted him there to witness, i waited for his reply.. holding on to my handphone anxiously... 5 minutes passed, 10 minutes passed and nothing... no beeping sound came from my hp and i was getting worried... both my parents and my god parent wasn't there even during the starting of the service...
My god parent arrived around 8.50am with his woogie and i was super relieved to see them... to cut the whole anxious part, (me sitting through the sermon trying real hard to just relax and focus, me crying the moment i wanted to sing and bla bla bla), my parents came right before the sermon ended... they came up to the service hall during the announcement and i was slightly embarrassed when dss. kho nee announced that they are here... not because i don't want them there, but because of the fact that they are there... i have no idea how else to respond than to hide my face and grin...
Bishop Lim baptised me in a small tank (water tank) through immersion... though it was different from what i expected, i would say that as of that moment, i wanted to die (sinful nature) and to be alive again... i totally believe and agree that whether immersion or affusion, both act is strong and clear enough to say that i want to follow Christ... immersion was chosen by me on Friday itself because i wanted my parents to understand that this is my decision... i am thankful and praise-filled when they told me that they will be there to support me...
funny highlights by my family:
1) dad / mom: why u guys use white candles? do you know that white candles are used for funerals (chinese traditions)?? should tell me earlier, i would've brought the yellow candles (chinese traditions uses yellow candles to worship their gods)
2) dad: if i know that you guys are going to use that small tank, i would've done it at home with u... don't need to wake up so early in the morning.. now i'm sleepy.. (smile)
3) mom: so, after baptism, do you see things more clearly?
4) mom: baptism is like you being registered to your God.. it's like a marriage... (bingo! mom hit jackpot!)
5) sis: the next time we enter this church, it'll be for her (my) wedding... -.-
that's all i could think of right now...
but i just want to thank God for being so good to me... it was a picture in my head i get baptised with my parents witnessing... and God fulfilled it for me.. it was extremely meaningful and important to me...
i remember telling my parents that though baptism is important for me, baptising in their presence is even more important and meaningful to me...
spoiler: my mom told me yesterday that she wanted to get baptised with me..........
Youth Fellowship started something new today... In order to support our fellow brothers and sisters who are waiting to sit for their PMR on 7th October, we decided to start having revision classes with them... well, to be exact, they have their revision while those who are not involved will be praying and fasting with them... if one is observant enough, one will notice that ASC young people are not good with fasting... ALL of us ate before going to church, and to stress this point, they eat before we start the committee meeting which will proceed straight into the prayer and fasting... well, it didn't go as how i thought it will go, but there isn't anyone to blame except our own selves because none are us are prepared for what is to come... anyway, after this whole session ended, i headed home and went to pasar malam with both my parents... we had fun just being with each other despite the differences... after that, i went out with carol and ben and of course, matt... though some might call this 'double date', it didn't feel that way because we were quite comfortable with each other... we are all friends and we happily chatted until quite late at night... headed back home and zzzzzzz....
27th September 2009 (Sunday)
I started the day off waking up at 6.30am... (it is actually earlier than the time i use to wake up for work)... the moment i step out of my room, my dad came out also and we just stared at each other... at that very moment, i was so thankful that he woke up because he told me he and mom will be witnessing my baptism... i was worried that he might break his promise... but thankfully, he was keeping his promise... i prepared myself and after making sure my mom woke up before i leave, i told them that i will be waiting for them in church... i left and since Youth Fellowship is on duty for Sunday Service, i prepared the usher books quickly while scanning the church around nervously... that was actually my first time wearing shorts and entering church on a Sunday service...
Later that time, i found out that the baptism would be after the sermon and i quickly smsed my sister telling them what i found out... they ended up going to the morning market and drinking while waiting for time to pass... i scanned the church again and realised that my god father wasn't there yet... i smsed him and since i really wanted him there to witness, i waited for his reply.. holding on to my handphone anxiously... 5 minutes passed, 10 minutes passed and nothing... no beeping sound came from my hp and i was getting worried... both my parents and my god parent wasn't there even during the starting of the service...
My god parent arrived around 8.50am with his woogie and i was super relieved to see them... to cut the whole anxious part, (me sitting through the sermon trying real hard to just relax and focus, me crying the moment i wanted to sing and bla bla bla), my parents came right before the sermon ended... they came up to the service hall during the announcement and i was slightly embarrassed when dss. kho nee announced that they are here... not because i don't want them there, but because of the fact that they are there... i have no idea how else to respond than to hide my face and grin...
Bishop Lim baptised me in a small tank (water tank) through immersion... though it was different from what i expected, i would say that as of that moment, i wanted to die (sinful nature) and to be alive again... i totally believe and agree that whether immersion or affusion, both act is strong and clear enough to say that i want to follow Christ... immersion was chosen by me on Friday itself because i wanted my parents to understand that this is my decision... i am thankful and praise-filled when they told me that they will be there to support me...
funny highlights by my family:
1) dad / mom: why u guys use white candles? do you know that white candles are used for funerals (chinese traditions)?? should tell me earlier, i would've brought the yellow candles (chinese traditions uses yellow candles to worship their gods)
2) dad: if i know that you guys are going to use that small tank, i would've done it at home with u... don't need to wake up so early in the morning.. now i'm sleepy.. (smile)
3) mom: so, after baptism, do you see things more clearly?
4) mom: baptism is like you being registered to your God.. it's like a marriage... (bingo! mom hit jackpot!)
5) sis: the next time we enter this church, it'll be for her (my) wedding... -.-
that's all i could think of right now...
but i just want to thank God for being so good to me... it was a picture in my head i get baptised with my parents witnessing... and God fulfilled it for me.. it was extremely meaningful and important to me...
i remember telling my parents that though baptism is important for me, baptising in their presence is even more important and meaningful to me...
spoiler: my mom told me yesterday that she wanted to get baptised with me..........
Monday, August 17, 2009
time passed by too quickly...
if i were to look back, i have no idea what i have done for the past 8 months... it is already august 17th and what have i achieved? what have i overcome? what have i conquer? gosh, i really have no idea what i have with this life...
if i were to look at the present, time seem have to have frozen... i wanna go home and zzz... but yet, the small and big little hand seem to enjoy torturing me by not moving at the pace i would want it to move... ahhh.. what a torture...
what have i done for the past few months? i have no idea.. what seem to be called a life now ends up being in routines... nah, i'm not blaming anyone.. i'm just ranting about how great life is...
oh! i became a bridesmaid for the first time in my life... i had to admit, i have no idea what to do at all! it all started off quite awkwardly because my childhood friend aka cousin is getting married! sigh, i am proud of her though... just that, we have lost contact for so long and i have to put all those awkward feelings away in a nights' time... gosh, what am i? a robot? well, she looked beautiful and i just want her to be happy... oh, i went to ipoh for the wedding...
i will be going up to cameron highlands next week (sun - tues) for our churchs family camp... i just hope to get away from all the stress and pressures of work, home and social life... just wanna get back on track.. i am so tired now... tired of dragging unwilling ones, tired of pulling, and tired of everything...
i am physically tired... HELP ME!
so so sleepy...
if i were to look back, i have no idea what i have done for the past 8 months... it is already august 17th and what have i achieved? what have i overcome? what have i conquer? gosh, i really have no idea what i have with this life...
if i were to look at the present, time seem have to have frozen... i wanna go home and zzz... but yet, the small and big little hand seem to enjoy torturing me by not moving at the pace i would want it to move... ahhh.. what a torture...
what have i done for the past few months? i have no idea.. what seem to be called a life now ends up being in routines... nah, i'm not blaming anyone.. i'm just ranting about how great life is...
oh! i became a bridesmaid for the first time in my life... i had to admit, i have no idea what to do at all! it all started off quite awkwardly because my childhood friend aka cousin is getting married! sigh, i am proud of her though... just that, we have lost contact for so long and i have to put all those awkward feelings away in a nights' time... gosh, what am i? a robot? well, she looked beautiful and i just want her to be happy... oh, i went to ipoh for the wedding...
i will be going up to cameron highlands next week (sun - tues) for our churchs family camp... i just hope to get away from all the stress and pressures of work, home and social life... just wanna get back on track.. i am so tired now... tired of dragging unwilling ones, tired of pulling, and tired of everything...
i am physically tired... HELP ME!
so so sleepy...
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